Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
