I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Someone signed my nipple.
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