when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
