Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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