i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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