i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
