btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
