Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
