Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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