On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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