I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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