Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
