Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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