I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
