Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
