Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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