I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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