No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
