Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
