youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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