she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
