That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
