dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
