White coat. Heels.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
