dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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