This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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