You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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