its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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