im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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