just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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