Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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