her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
