no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
