i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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