coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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