well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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