she woke up with a sticky ear
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
