watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
