My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
