First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
