I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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