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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime

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• (818): View more from California

  There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"

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