Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
