How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
