After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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