Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
