I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
