my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
