Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
