so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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