she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
