I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
