did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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