Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
