I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
