That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
