Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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