Porn is love you can see.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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