there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
