i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
