I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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