can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
