Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
