Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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