i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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