I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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