I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
