Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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