If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish you could order shots online.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
