he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
