WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
