New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
