I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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