No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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